the process of capturing moments
I believe
that when you are gone
we will still feel your dreams
you have become
a native nymph
sister from across the seas
you are no more foreign
than the eucalypt,
your laughter is
the spirit
of our home.
26 Nov. ‘09 - Chado
For Anna Portas
we both know
this is something we cannot voice
we both know
this is something we cannot feel
life takes us this way,
despite our protestations
and we watch each other
come spinning closer
then spiral away.
I watch you and know
I cannot feel the angst
of impossibility
simply because
it is so impossible.
I guard my smile
only ever-so-slightly.
Our friendship works so well.
we both know
how it is, and how it isn’t.
we both know
what not to say.
we both know
this is something we cannot feel
but we do
anyway.
July ‘09
the hurt of losing
never dulls,
even when it’s been so long that you almost thought
you’d never lost.
but on extending a hand
and receiving a slap
you remember.
Not just the loss
but what came before,
the laughter and connection
the companionship
which seemed unbreakable.
recalling the loss
never hurts so much
as recalling what was lost.
June 2008
You are the shadow
of what I wrote of you.
My stories
they are plain
but you are the page underneath -
the indented words
and the ink that ran
You make me want to connect the dots
spots of words gone through
turn letters into a picture -
make a thousand from a few.
February ‘08
I have learned of syntax,
of the context which keeps secrets secret
and jokes ‘in’.
glittering and multi-faceted
our language sheets before us
in a slowly-moulding
unmeasurable stretch;
Strewn through the navy bulk of specifically correct
drift sparkling chunks,
the ways & words of cliques & clubs
syntax;
somehow a glue that holds a group together,
and if closely examined
you can read their story
in the heartbreak of jokes
between the lines.
October ‘07
we become
indecipherable whisperings,
a language of friendship
only those involved can understand
we have moved beyond
the material world for our
occupation. we interact
amongst the light.
our arguments become
a dissertation in further
exploring
what we already understand.
there is no pretending
and no pretentiousness,
we share
a bag of thoughts
in silence. then,
amongst the glowing
of bright night, we run
and take flight.
October ‘07
I want to call her “small one”
because I love to bestow affection
But I become concerned for her self-esteem.
She is a tall spirit
and it is this
barely-contained in her small figure
which endears her to me.
so when I say “small one”
little sunshine angel
I really mean
“small one” and “tall one”
funny, quirky, beautiful wonderful one
wandr’ing one
wondering one
and everything in between.
July ‘07
text messages
from dearest friends
I miss him
we hold funny little conversations
trying to say too much
in 160 characters.
The messages hold unspoken promise
of more words to come
when we are again within earshot.
I think of her
suddenly a note of
love/admiration?
as if by magic
as if by connection.
I send my love right back
and as an afterthought
I ask her if she is havering.
July ‘07
he is -
but no
I cannot
but he is -
and oh
he can
his growl reverberating
back of my neck, the breath
the sound
his mane
the way I remember him
the way gentle words remind me of him
my bones
hear him stalking around my house
hear his presence in the dark
his endless circles
dead eyes
and a hopeful heart
perhaps bruised
perhaps my fault
but I paid for my mistake
now I remember
He is -
but no
I cannot
July ‘07
You taught me something new, a different kind of love;
you made aware my heart of the press of time
reaching always past my petty defenses with your eyes.
You fell softly sideways into my life
that smile
your crooked eyebrow
that smile
I feel like a child
when you wear your serious face.
and yet I cannot be childish,
because you see right through
and you know
I am capable of being a woman.
And I want you to know “I love you” never means
“I can’t live without you” because I have to
I know
and we all have to do things we don’t want to do.
we both know love and pain
i think
i am stronger than you think me
I want to thank you for lending your smile.
thank you for the smile of your hand.
for the hand of another god.
the warmth
(I’d love to take care of you, I loved
to sleep there, close, loved to
keep you warm because) -
that’s just how I am.
You are something special.
Whoever’s heart you fall into
Was standing under the lucky tree.
You taught me how to talk to you
And the most important
is that I taught you something, too
it is this that makes my smile the widest
and makes my spirit shine.
April ‘07
