The complete collection
out of the wrenching comes
the words I speak directly
out of my arteries but
somewhere lose on the
way to my brain
come hither, don’t watch
don’t pause as I
undo myself before you
just keep clapping
to their dance
watch them while I
quietly make myself close
and then show in my bigness
hoping
you won’t see my
smallness
creeping up to you
keep watching them
further away
November ‘09
Recognising the moment
proves impossible
ribbons uncurl darkly
from my centre, reach out
waving
beckoning
obscuring the view
and I cannot identify
the moment
the right moment
for the life of me,
I’ve never been good at
“appropriate”
or “decorum”
I reach out,
only knowing how
to be loud
obvious
crass
this requires a subtle touch
and I am incapable
of such -
I never know the moment
so the moment never comes.
October ‘09
The feeling of flying in my feet,
stepping lightly,
criss-cross
doubletake
I’ve got somewhere to be,
but all I can think of
is dreams.
They followed me when I rose,
took the shortcut
met me at the door
intercepted me between thought
and action;
The same dream
resurfaces, chasing
changing each day
but with the same face.
I get lost in a breath
between exhaling and inhaling
there’s a moment;
when I am completely exposed.
Is it there?
Is this where the dreams have crawled in?
Paying no rent,
nor heed,
blowing warmth into their hands
lighting little fires within me -
where flames have long been banished.
September ‘09
blemishes
are leopard spots
lines
tiger stripes
when will you stop seeing me as beautiful?
can we weather age together
will you always love my morning eyes
will I have enough time
to tell you everything I feel
(is it possible?)
will we know each other completely
how much is lost
if the mystery goes?
will you always love my morning eyes?
September ‘09
heat
keeps us alive
cold
motivates us to live
keepwarm instincts
bring us closer.
or, they’re excuses.
believe me when I say
I don’t really care -
as long as you stay
right here.
September ‘09
what have you got?
How do you define the getting?
who will you be accountable to,
when it’s all over
and you spent more than half your time
like this?
repentance comes in many forms.
I make my amends
by laughing
each smile you see
making up for a moment wasted.
how much time
do you really think you have?
I fear for you
too much can go wrong
when you’re not looking.
August ‘09
this night
so cold
I feel I’ll never get warm.
follow the lights
to the song
follow the song
to the fire
follow the fire
to the warmth
how many times
will we make this trek?
before our feet wear away
isn’t it time
for you to let go?
July ‘09
we both know
this is something we cannot voice
we both know
this is something we cannot feel
life takes us this way,
despite our protestations
and we watch each other
come spinning closer
then spiral away.
I watch you and know
I cannot feel the angst
of impossibility
simply because
it is so impossible.
I guard my smile
only ever-so-slightly.
Our friendship works so well.
we both know
how it is, and how it isn’t.
we both know
what not to say.
we both know
this is something we cannot feel
but we do
anyway.
July ‘09
finally,
reminder of the past
is not a threat to the future
and allows
the present
peace.
October ‘08
dishes pile
i’m kind of waiting
for reproach
hoping that somehow
if I’m naughty enough
you’ll return to scold
and tuck me into bed,
hair swinging
and maybe
you’ll let me read
you a bedtime story
you are a story
i feel like you are my own,
though I never wished to own nobody
and become concerned
for what
this is teaching
my heart.
September ‘08
